Are You OK?

Why I said no to antidepressants

Today is R U OK day in Australia. And whilst I could share all the suicide prevention information, I feel compelled to share a story.

It’s a story from 5 years ago.

The day I found myself sitting on a therapist’s couch, crying and miserable.

I was referred to her by the bank after I requested stress leave. I couldn’t bring myself to face one more day in that environment that was sucking the life out of me.

The doctor agreed and gave me a script for anti-depressants. But it was my choice if I took them or not. He also gave me information on where I could get access to more mental health support if I wanted it.

Job done. Next.

I almost took the drugs.

I mean, they were going to make me function like a ‘normal’ person again, right? Obviously I should just take them.

But something inside me said no. This isn’t right. At the time I was more concerned about the stigma attached to mental health, and I didn’t want people to think less of me.

My soul knew, my intuition was screaming out to me to pay attention. Something is NOT right.

Let me tell you something.

Rock bottom moments like that are not a sign of weakness. The people who built the system want you to think it is, because then you’ll look for a quick fix (aka Big Pharma’s miracle antidepressants) so you can go back to normal and not draw any attention to yourself.

But actually, it’s your soul screaming out for attention.

“Listen to meeeee.” Mine was shouting.

“You’ve become so disconnected. It’s time to figure out who you are again.”

In that moment I had two choices. Take the ‘medicine’ (aka numb myself back out again), OR try to learn more about why I was feeling this way and actually make a change.

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